This is Sara playing with a baseball bat. In about ten minutes from the time this picture was taken Mary will take the bat, swing it with all her might, and hit me in the face. The forehead to be exact, where I have a nice goose egg growing and the headache to go along with it.
Poor Mary. It was an accident. She thought I would be angry. But instead I burst into tears. I started bawling uncontrollably. Mary was like what the heck? It's probably unsettling, to say the least, to see your mom crying like that. Of course she thought it was her fault. She had just whacked me in the head. And, yes, it did hurt like the dickens. But it didn't hurt so bad that I would have started weeping. The whack on the head was the last straw; it opened the flood gates.
Today was gorgeous. It was sunny, it was in the 70s, it was perfect. And that made it the most depressing day ever. The weather was taunting me--telling me to be carefree, to shrug off responsibilities if only for a while, to frolic and run free.
But I can't. I cannot be carefree, even for a minute. We are slowly, gradually descending into chaos. I am fighting back the chaos. There is no reprieve. Life is too much for me to handle right now, but not drastically so. If I just manage to not let too many things slip through the cracks, we'll make it until August. It's definitely an uphill, losing battle. But if I can just hang on long enough, not allow myself to fall all the way to the bottom of the hill, we'll be okay.
Unfortunately, life continues to get busier, fuller, more complicated. So we descend into chaos just a little bit faster. I can't keep up. And I am so tired.
And now my head hurts.
Anyway, I think I liked winter better. It is cold and hard and matches my life.
Well, winter is coming back cold and hard tomorrow. Yippee for me.
P.S. I am not crazy about the weather being depressing today. My neighbor friend, who has more complicated burdens than I do, felt exactly the same way. She came over right after the bat incident to find me wallowing in my tears. Then we sat on the deck in the gloriously perfect sunshine...and felt depressed. But at least we were depressed together!
P.P.S. I might not have liked the weather, but this little girl did! She is ready to explore the great outdoors--if only she could walk. (In this descent into chaos, I'm glad she's going along with me. I love that little girl, sassy new attitude and all.)
