Worry

Sara sits on her dad's lap as he signs his updated will.

Greg leaves this Friday at 3:30 in the morning.  He is going first to El Paso for combat skills training.  The training is not structured in such a way for us to visit him there before he goes overseas.  We will say good-bye Thursday night, and that will be that.

After training in El Paso, he will be stationed at a base in Qatar.  From Qatar he will be traveling to Army bases throughout the region checking on various engineering projects.  Some people have asked if I will visit him in Qatar, and the answer is no.  Sure, Qatar is not a war zone.  We even have friends that live there.  (Hi, Tyler and Mary!)  But a deployment is a deployment.  It's military life and work 24-7, site-seeing with family certainly not included.  (His year in Honduras was technically not a deployment.  I used that term sometimes on my blog because it was easier to understand than "short-tour PCS.")  Even if I traveled all the way to Qatar, he would not necessarily have time/be allowed to see me, and he probably wouldn't even be in the country.

So we will say good-bye Thursday night, and that will be that.  Until sometime in August.

I know people wonder if I worry about what will happen.  I'm not always exactly sure what they mean by this questions, but I assume they wonder if I worry about what could happen to Greg.

I guess I do. I mean, since we updated our wills and powers of attorney and all that stuff, we talked a lot about worst-case scenarios.  So it's not like we haven't thought about the worst that could happen.  But our discussions all seemed pretty theoretical.  Though I will say that there is real peace that comes from knowing all of your affairs are in order, especially concerning your children.  I highly recommend this, whatever your situation is.

I wish Greg were going to be safe and sound on the base in Qatar the whole time.  The travel itself from base to base worries me, and I'm not too excited about some of the places he could travel to.  But, at least so far, I don't worry about it too much.

To be honest, I worry more about myself.  And my ability to handle things.  I'm not talking about if some big crisis happens.  Like most people, I can rise to the occasion in a crisis.  I'll deal with it when it comes.  I worry much more about small crises and mundane tasks.

Like,

1. Saturdays
2. Getting enough sleep
3. Remembering to collect and take out the garbage and recycling on Sunday nights
4. Dinnertime 
5. Losing my wallet
6. Losing my phone
7. How I will "catch up" on life if a sickness or something unexpected throws us out of our routine
8. Computer problems, even very minor ones
9. Snow
10. A billing problem with Tricare
11. Adjusting straps on strollers and car seats
12. The yard
13. Resetting the wireless router
14. Passwords
15. Clogged toilets
16. Church
17. Bugs

Worrying about Greg almost feels like a luxury, an emotional indulgence that I can't afford right now.  I am more concerned with my own survival and that of my children.  Maybe that is selfish.  Maybe it's a defense mechanism.  But it's the truth.

So if you ask if I am worried, the answer is yes.  

But it probably has more to do with my toilets than my husband.

Christmas Chaos 2013

What a wonderful Christmas day!  David and Mary were delightful:  No bickering, whining, fighting.  (A Christmas miracle!)  They loved all of their gifts.  (Everyone was so thoughtful in their gift-giving!  Thank you, thank you, thank you.)  It's fun to help David and Mary get started with their new toys, but it's nice that they are old enough to be more independent.  David and Mary and their fun, good, positive attitudes really made Christmas special this year.

As expected, Sara captured our hearts and our attention.  She's just so cute!  She loved being part of the action.  She definitely sees herself as part of the kid crew in this family.  And she loved all of the new things she could explore.  Sara goes on little "adventures" around the house, and the Christmas chaos provided ample opportunity for adventures.  (She also got a new nickname for Christmas:  Scout.  We'll see if it sticks.  Greg is the one who makes nicknames stick, and he only has a few more days to do it.)

We did have one big meltdown.  It was mine.  (David and Mary can't have the monopoly on meltdowns.  That wouldn't be fair.)  I have been able to focus on Christmas the past month.  It provides so much meaningful busyness and happy distractions.  So once all of the presents were opened .... I had to face the reality that Greg will be leaving.  Let's just say it soured my mood.  Fortunately, I have a patient husband and wonderful children whose happiness and contentment saved Christmas from Mom's moments of panic and grouchiness.

Pictures from Christmas morning ...

The exciting  big reveal!

Checking out what Santa brought!  (Even Sara.)

Santa certainly didn't forget sweet Sara.

Baby's first Christmas!

Sara went right to work playing with her new toy.

It was a big hit.  (You just never know with an 11-month old.  They usually prefer dirt, lint, or paper.)

The princess castle was a big hit with everyone.

David and Mary spent a good amount of time checking out its features.

But Sara came back to claim it as her own.

And she successfully bullied her brother and sister away for some play time by herself.
(She's getting pretty feisty with those two!)

Not very long ago Mary declared that all she wanted from Santa was a nutcracker.  It was the kind of sincere and hopeful desire that would result in a broken heart if her wish went unfulfilled.  (So much for finishing the Christmas shopping early.)  Santa knew just what kind of nutcracker Mary was imagining.  And he miraculously (and very last minute) managed to find her just the right one.  It was definitely a "tender mercy" if not a full-fledged miracle.  (David's Skylanders gift was kind of a miracle too, but that story probably only seems miraculous to Mom and Dad, so I'll keep that one between me and Santa.)

Santa also brought Mary an outfit that matches Stacy's. 

She wears it every day.

Opening gifts lasted throughout the day, and it was joyous.  This year we may not manage thank you cards, or even thank you emails ... or even thank you texts.  But I want to say that each gift was loved and appreciated.  We could recognize the thoughtfulness and generosity behind each one.  Thank you to everyone who helped us feel loved and brought many smiles into our home that morning!

More pictures--lots more pictures--of Christmas chaos.  (Keep scrolling.  There are some tender ones of David and Mary helping Sara with her gifts.)

And the baby says, "Good grief, Mom!  Enough pictures already!"  The baby is right.  Enough pictures.



Happy holidays.  May your week be filled with joy ... and not too many meltdowns!